Since I counsel men and women before, during and after a relationship or marriage, including through a divorce, I frequently see people dating when separated.

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Now, as a married woman myself, I can say with some degree of certainty that if my husband and I were to divorce, I wouldn’t want to rush right back into another serious relationship. All circumstance are different, so it’s hard to say if a person should date someone who is in the process of a divorce or not.

While most divorces can be sad, nasty and drawn out, others can be quick and painless.

A couple of days ago a friend and I were discussing another mutual friend–we’ll call her “Roslyn”–who was going through a divorce.

Although the divorce hadn’t been finalized, her and her no ex-husband went their separate ways nearly two years ago.

From time to time I will check out Evan Marc Katz’s site to see what sort of dating-related questions he gets (and the resulting comments).

Yesterday’s was from a man who is legally separated (and will be for 3 years) and wonders if he’s screwed from a dating perspective.

When I asked a mutual friend if Roslyn was dating, she informed me that although Roslyn had gone on a date or two here and there, she was just not ready. As a woman who has had the experience of dating two different men who were going through a divorce, I can unequivocally say that I’ll never date a married but separated man again.

One was simply not emotionally ready to move on, while the other informed me after five months of dating that he was going to go back and give it another shot with his wife–only for them to end up divorced anyway. So, until a man was totally free and wasn’t involved with any other women that could claim him as her husband, I stayed away.

You Can’t Just Think About “Me” The problem with separated men is that they want to date because they’re tired of being alone and unhappy and want some hope after the pain of divorce. But as I discuss in , many may not consider what they have to offer a woman.

They don’t realize that women don’t want a guy who can’t give her what she needs, who drags her into his divorce by complaining about it, who subjects her to the anger and jealousy of his ex.

If you’re separated and want to date, you need to consider things from her perspective.